Doing the presidential dance

Tony Norman is one of my Favorite Columnists - wolf

By Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Two days ago, President Bush got jiggy with an African dance and drum troupe at the White House. Because it was Malaria Awareness Day, the KanKouran West African Dance Company was on hand for observances in the Rose Garden.

Now, it's no secret that whenever Africans are invited to the White House, they're expected to do some drumming during their photo-op.

Dictators are exempt because they usually have weapons purchases and limousines on their minds. All other African dignitaries and expatriates -- except Nelson Mandela -- are expected to get with the program.

The U.S.-based West African dance troupe was understandably proud of their role in raising awareness about the scourge of malaria in Africa. The mosquito-borne disease is the leading cause of death for all Africans under 5.

The Bush White House is leading a campaign aimed at the private sector to raise $1.5 billion to reduce malaria deaths by half in the coming years.

This is a laudable effort that redounds to Mr. Bush's everlasting credit. What happened in the White House Rose Garden after the noble speeches about ending malaria did not.

The West African dance troupe got its first hint that they were about to become party to a potentially embarrassing international incident when Mr. Bush began bobbing his head like a chicken.

The mischievous gleam in his eyes revealed his nefarious intentions: Mr. Bush was going to get funky regardless of international ramifications.

In the footage of the Rose Garden ceremony I've been able to dig up, the Senegalese dance troupe does everything possible to discourage Mr. Bush from "getting on the good foot" at their expense.

Unfailingly polite, the dancers smiled and beat the drums faster, hoping it would discourage the Leader of the Free World from actually doing anything more annoying than clapping off the beat. Alas, Mr. Bush would not be denied the pleasure of the dance.

Puckering his lips, Mr. Bush inhaled sharply, sending much needed oxygen to his brain for the task at hand.

Slowly exhaling, the president eased into the foreground with herky-jerky movements as if preparing to do the Limbo.

The Senegalese performers responded with the briefest of eye contact before switching to the most difficult time signatures they could manage without freaking out the Secret Service.

Our polyrhythmically perverse president refused to be intimidated, adapting comfortably to step patterns that typically cause white folks' feet to burst into flames.

Though the increasingly desperate drummers resorted to constantly shifting rhythmic patterns to shake him, Mr. Bush held on, smiling and bobbing his head like an idiot savant.

Glancing at Laura Bush, who was just beginning to sway her hips in that oh, so imperceptible way she made famous salsa dancing with Condi Rice in Brazil, the president made his boldest move yet -- he reached over and began pounding on the nearest set of drums.

At that point, the KanKouran West African Dance Company should have brought everything to a screeching halt -- but they didn't.

Who would have blamed them if, through big smiles and deferential head shakes, they had thanked the president while gently demurring from making him an honorary member of the troupe.

"This must stop, Mr. President," they should have said. "We appreciate all of the hundreds of millions of dollars you're giving to the fight against malaria, but we simply can't allow you to engage in another minute of reckless cultural appropriation. We have our pride.

"Dance and drumming is serious business where we're from, but you're approaching it like a drunken frat boy. We must insist that you have more respect for our cultural heritage. With all due respect, throwing your arms in the air like Frankenstein's monster is not dancing.

"We saw Karl 'MC' Rove urban dancing at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner last month and, frankly, it disturbed us. Mr. Rove looked like he was auditioning for a minstrel show. You and your henchman have gotten too comfortable shaking your butts at what you don't understand. If America wants a funky-fresh president, they can vote for Barack Obama."

But, of course, this didn't happen two days ago. Instead, Mr. Bush's Great White Father act drew polite applause. Meanwhile, the dance troupe smiled gamely through it all. That's what's expected when the president invites you to the Rose Garden.