Thursday, January 4, 2007

A Pagan's Journey

When friends or strangers ask me about my religious belief, I will come right out and say, "I am a Faerie Shaman/Witch". I have been out of the broom closet a long time. The Faerie and Witch part usually gets them every time. They always ask, "Are You Gay" and "Why do you believe in Satan?" My usual answer depending on my mood is "No, I am not gay, although some folks that follow the Faerie path are and NO, I do NOT believe in Satan." Some folks will follow up with "So you can cast spells and hexes to harm people and what do you mean There is NO DEVIL!!" Look, I softly reply, "I follow a Law that states, Do What You Will and Harm None and if I break that law what ever I do will come back to me three times." "Well what about the Devil then?" as a worried look comes upon their faces. "Look my friend," I answer quietly, "this might hard for you to take but the old church took one of our old Gods who had horns and cloven hoofs and made him in to a devil to scare people away from the old religion." "You know Pan, Cernunnnos and The Green Man are real cool dudes once you get to know them." "Gods!" They exclaim. That's what I said, Gods and Goddesses too. "Wait a second you just said Goddesses?" That's right, ever hear of Danu, Hecate, and Brigit?

By now they are listening real intently or walking away shaking their heads. If they happen to be a fundamentalist Christian, I usually get the rap that Jesus died for me and he is the only one who ever came back from the dead. "Wait a second here, I mean Jesus was a cool dude and all that but he wasn't the only one who came back." What!! "You heard me friend, Osiris and Mithras came back, to name a few." If you're a Christian and reading this please don't get mad, I respect you and your beliefs, please respect mine.

I was born into a Jewish family this life. Although I studied hard and did all that Jewish stuff, I could not for the life of me believe in a vengeful God. Being a child of abuse I had enough to deal with and at times I'd think that God was punishing me. I spent lots of time mediating in my quiet spot away from everyone. My spot was old water logged oak tree stump that jutted out onto Jamaica Bay behind my house. As I sat there Dragonflies and Fairies would come around. Wait second Wolf, you said, Faeries. That I did, it seems to me that everyone can see them if they try, sad to say that enough people don't try. Another way I'd escape from all the garbage that was going on around me would be to leave my body at night and travel around in the astral.

When I was 13 years old, Fred came into my mothers and my life. I soon found out that Fred was initiated into The Brotherhood of Light and had studied with Crowley. It was wonderful for someone like him to be around and he never hesitated to answer questions. "Do you see the Fae, Fred? "No Son" he would reply," "But I am sure if you see them they are there." " I know of other people who see them." It wasn't long before he was inviting me into his circles and teaching me lots of things. Fred left this plane 1983, at the night of his passing I was 500 miles away but he managed to walk into one of my dreams, smiling and waving good bye as he said, "call home."

The years went by, during the 60's after 3 years in the army I moved to Greenwich Village. Then traveled around this great country of ours. I spent a lot of time in Height Asbury and a commune called Morningstar Ranch. I'd make a little money doing I Ching readings or with the BOL Egyptian Tarot deck that Fred had given me.

So you see even though I never called myself a pagan at the time, I really was one. I didn't find out about the so-called neo-pagan movement till 25 years ago when I was invited to a Beltane ritual. It was there that I first dedicated myself to the Lord and the Lady. Finding peace and Magick everywhere. I always try to explain to a newcomer to the Craft of The Wise to learn all they can about The Deities first before they even try to cast a circle or a spell.

For myself being a Shaman means being able to heal myself as well as others. The self-healing has been hard but I think that Wounded Warriors make the best Shaman.

One of my teachers wrote: Many cultures and traditions conclude that physical and/or mental signs of abnormality mark out true Shaman. Dwarfism, or physical deformity. Missing digits or extra bones. Having eyes of two different colors. Being homosexual or transgender or a slight mental instability that allows a person to be so gifted (touched by the hand of the Gods) to more readily to enter the spirit realms. Blindness or deafness. Many anthropologists and psychologists feel that that it is often because of the physical adversity that shaman develop their non-physical gifts.

Neville Drury Wrote: "We can define a Shaman as a person who is able to perceive the world of souls, spirits and gods, and who in a state of ecstatic trance is able to travel among them, gaining special knowledge of that supernatural realm. He or she is ever alert to the intrinsic perils of human existence, of magical forces, which give rise to disease, famine or misfortune. But the Shaman also takes the role of an active intermediary - a negotiator in both directions."

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